Last year, months before his birthday, our growing-too-fast boy knew just how he wanted to celebrate. A huge blockbuster movie was set to release within weeks of his birthday, and he wanted to go with a few friends. As the movie date approached, I heard rumors of a main character’s death and the bad guy gaining the ultimate victory in the final battle. I whispered a few thankful prayers we hadn’t bought tickets for opening night! I simply couldn’t take sitting through the movie if that rumor was true!
The afternoon before the movie I googled the name of the movie, including the phrase, “with spoilers,” and – much to the horror of my boy – I read the entire detailed recap before we left! (I didn’t regret it one single bit, and I still cheered along with the other movie-goers when the good guys came out on top!)
A Confession
A confession: That wasn’t the first time I’ve done that. And, I’m guessing it won’t be the last! I often flip to the end of the book and make sure it has a happy ending before I read it, too. I just want to be sure everything turns out ok!
Life’s not really like that, though, is it? We can’t flip ahead or read the spoilers.
There are many of us feeling stuck in this moment – this dissonance – of knowing things will never be the same, but also having no idea what it will be like. Truth be told, I’d like very much to flip to the August chapter of the 2020 book to know what school will be like when it begins again. I’d like to flip a few weeks ahead and see if our new puppy ever actually makes it all night without having to wake up and go outside to potty. I’d love to take a quick glimpse even further into the future, too, to know how all these changes will affect our kids.
I keep thinking about Psalm 139. Friends, the Lord knows. Just as He is in both heaven and the grave, He is in the future month of August. Yes, we find Him if we dwell beside the farthest ocean, but also, He knows the future of our kids.
Sweet friends, I could offer ideas of how we could rid ourselves of this feeling of being stuck, of ways to cherish the moments or trust the Lord’s Hand in the future. Instead, let’s simply recognize our desire to know the end and hold it for the feeling it is.
A Liturgy for When We Want to Read the Ending First
Sweet Jesus, I exhale the conflict of the moment and inhale your peace. I want to look for a happy ending before the story is complete.
I hold the characters of this life-tale close and want desperately to finish their story with a smile and contented sigh.
Instead of savoring each sentence, paragraph and verse, I flip anxiously through the pages.
I confess my distrust in the Author’s hand and His ability to weave a beautiful story.
Grant me peace that you’ve laid out every story arc, every rising action, every plot point.
You are the author and perfecter of our stories.
-Amen
Hugs and Blessings – Bethany
*Photo by hannah grace on Unsplash
Bethany, I work with a preacher’s wife and she is precious. She told me she always reads the final couple of pages before she actually reads the book. Kind of an anxiety thing, I think! Loved your blog! Stay safe.