Gram sat still in her floral swivel rocker, her Bible on her lap and her highlighted study guide at hand. Her faith never wavered, and she prayed for each of us daily. Each of my grandparents were known and active in their churches. We knew of their love of the Lord and faith in His goodness.
Mom worshipped with silent tears in the front row. Dad taught from pulpit, his voice filled with compassion, faith and truth. Each served the people of our church with whole hearts, helping hands and listening ears.
My faith story is one of mission trip and youth group highs and buried sin lows. I knew God’s saving grace early and tried hard to live the right way. Until I didn’t.
Until I Didn’t
With heartbreak and shame, I hid in the shadows of the back rows of church services and wondered if God had gotten tired of my endless failures, perhaps written me off as unredeemable.
My living room was dark, lit only by the streetlamp outside the window and the blue of the TV screen. The laugh track of the sitcom rerun hid my sobs. I was alone – and felt every bit of the heaviness. Curled up in a papasan chair, covered with my Gram’s patchwork quilt, I finally drifted to sleep.
The next day, I cracked open a book I’d found and began to read of God’s grace. Grace. Could it truly be a gift meant for me? The author’s biblical truths sunk in slowly. The love and encouragement of others called my heart back to this notion of grace.
Over Time
Over time, darkening the doors of the church on Sundays hurt less. Over time, I felt God’s nearness when I prayed. Over time, I accepted God’s grace. Over time, I craved time with my Savior each day and worshipped freely – and sometimes tearfully.
But He gives us more grace…
James 4:6
All month, I’ve asked myself “What decisions am I making this fall that will make my 2020 soul-story one I want to be living?” I’ve offered ideas for deepening friendships, for building family relationships. But, what of the most intimate of questions? What about our faith?
I’ve fought against faith formulas that work in my brain, but don’t always connect to my heart. I’m a list maker and it’s easy for me to fall into the trap of turning my faith into a checklist, too. Morning Bible reading – check. Church on Sunday – check. Christian music in the car – check. Prayers before bed – check. But, if God was satisfied with smugly following rules and checklists, I think the Pharisees would have fared better.
Our faith is, instead, a “constant returning… it is remembering and embodying the story… it is daily liturgies that draw us in,” as Ashley Hales says in her book, Finding Holy in the Suburbs.
Is it possible to focus on building our faith without becoming distracted with things to do and not to do? I think so. Here are three ideas if you struggle with this, too.
Constantly Return
In her book, Remarkable Faith, Shauna Letellier reminds us, “We honor him [Jesus] by acknowledging our need for him, over and over and over. God is not annoyed with our neediness. Instead, he is glorified by dependence as we pray.” Friends, our faith is not a place we reach. It is a choice to constantly return to a posture of prayer and worship in the presence of our mighty God. Return to church when it’s been a while. Return to worship when God feels far away. Return to Scripture and prayer when He feels silent.
Stop the Streaks
I’m a fan of my Bible app and use my Echo app to remind me to pray when I’ve told someone I will. But, when I get into a “streak,” it can become more about opening the app than building my faith. For many, I’m sure the streak is wonderful reminder, but for me, it’s not good. When I get a reminder of “you’ve logged on for six days in a row. Make it seven!” I find some other way to connect with God’s Word.
Pray Unoriginal Prayers
Somehow as I was growing up, I’d adapted this idea that prayers had to be my original words or they weren’t really from my heart. As I’ve grown, I no longer think that’s entirely true. I’ve come to recognize not just the power of praying Scripture, but also the power of historical prayers and those written by others who have shared their words. Find a Psalm or a prayer and repeat those words when you aren’t sure what to pray.
Friends, may your fall be full of intentional choices. May you make time to deepen friendships and build family connections and choose to constantly return to faith. Hugs and Blessings – Bethany
Bethany, my beautiful, sweet like a daughter. 😁. You touched my heart today. Thank you. We reach this many times in our lives. I’m there again now. At my age fatigue sets in so much of the time and I find myself giving in to “not” keeping up with my personal God time. Mostly in study because I’m in prayer most of the day and night. Your suggestions will help. Thank you. Love you.