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Building Friendships

October 16, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

High-fives for great plays. Groans for hard hits. Coordinated colors and clapping in unison. The collective cheering at my growing-too-fast boy’s game resounded through my heart and gave me chills.

I walked down the bleacher stairs, arm in arm with another mom, overwhelmed with gratefulness for the gift of friendship. We watched our boys exit the field. Their friendship began ours and we are thankful our paths crossed so now we can walk them together.

As I walked to the car, my mind drifted back through the years. I lifted a quiet prayer of thankfulness for the women who walked by my side in different seasons of life and growth. I understand deeply the blessing of the friendships I’ve had.

The light turned red. I slowed to a stop and a wave of sadness washed over my grateful heart. In this age of friends and likes being curated and counted, how lonely our lives would be without true friends!

The light changed again, and I remembered:

A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.
Proverbs 27:9

A friend who drove long before I did, whose friendship was built on cassette singles, teenage dreams and heartbreak.

A work friend turned life friend, whose husband worked late nights, so our friendship was built on quick lunches and late-night phone calls to keep each other company while our hearts were lonely.

A friend who was the first to say hello, whose friendship was built on shared motherhood moments and a deep sense of wanting to be there for each other.

A friend who shared a pizza, whose friendship was built on coffee dates and heartfelt prayers.

A new acquaintance, not quite yet a friend, who bravely introduced herself and shared a connection.

Friends. Each friendship looks different and feels different and changes in different moments of the life season. Let’s reflect honestly. Are we making choices for our friendships that will make our 2020 soul-story one we want to be living?

Let’s make one decision this week to deepen a friendship, to strengthen it with more than likes, memes and passing smiles. Even if we are in the dark gray heavy of loneliness, perhaps we can look up for just a moment and reach out. We could:

Call someone.

Let’s use our Smart devices for something other than scrolling and texting and googling. Talk in actual voices.

Replace “Let’s get together soon”…

with “I’m open Wednesday evening and Saturday from 10:00-noon. Can you meet up either of those times?” And if they can’t, keep looking for a time. The time battle is almost won once it is on the calendar!

Open your heart.

Be vulnerable when it is safe. If a friend asks how we are doing, let’s answer truthfully. Are we really okay? Is “busy” all we are? It may explain our calendars, but I’d suggest it not define our souls.

Pray for our friends.

Pray specifically and then check back in.

In Episode 95 of The Next Right Thing podcast, Emily P. Freeman recounts the story of Andy Gullahorn and Gabe Scott who meet each Tuesday for a high five. I haven’t gone a day without thinking of this story since I heard it! Read her shorthand of the story or watch the three-minute documentary (links to both are below), then think on this quote from Andy: “In a world where everything has to compute, it’s nice to do something inefficient.”

This week let’s be highly intentional and vastly inefficient in our friendships.

Hugs and blessings, Bethany

Links mentioned above: The Next Right Thing podcast by Emily P. Freeman, Episode 95: https://emilypfreeman.com/podcast/the-next-right-thing/95/ ; The High Five, a 3-minute documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=napThXR31Ew

Nine Fruitful Practices

October 9, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

I sit here, still but heart racing. My headphones whisper instrumental music. I furiously type some thoughts and let go of others. I’m angry. I feel wronged. In life’s long-story, the situation is nearly meaningless. Seriously, no one has been victimized. No one is physically or emotionally hurting. And it means nothing to the eternal spiritual realm. Yet the frustration festers. A sigh escapes my lips.

I consciously turn my heart to remembering to return to God’s loving shelter and grace.

In her book “Finding Holy in the Suburbs”, Ashley Hales writes, “The work of being beloved is a constant returning…. It is in starting daily liturgies that draw us into beauty that overwhelms and is even present through pain.”

I’m just settling into the idea of daily liturgies. I’m fascinated by the word. Liturgy, like shalom and beloved, isn’t a word that crossed my thoughts or tongue until recently.

Liturgies. Sacrament. Ritual. Ceremony. Observance.

I slip reverently into the quiet, daily work of observing, of turning to the process of continually walking with Jesus step by step.

Last week I wrote of intentional choices for our Fall season. Choices that would prepare us for the new year, not in calorie intake or miles walked, but in deep soul ways.

As the week continued, my mind returned over and over to Paul’s teaching in Galatians: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

In church, our pastor taught, “We don’t drift into a closer relationship with God or a life prioritized by Him. We must choose.”

In Bible study I read, “It [patience]’s not a gift, it’s a fruit. A fruit starts out small and then grows with time and proper nurturing.”

Each book I opened and teaching I received brought me back to this idea…. We must choose. The fruit grows neither on its own nor immediately. We must reach out our hands and accept God’s gift of amazing grace. We must constantly return to God’s redemption story.

Today, I offer you nine simple practices, liturgies if you will, to move into those intentional choices. Each practice connects to one of the spiritual fruits found in Galatians 5. Each also contains a verse for meditation.

Love

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13

Choose to love your family in words and actions. Speak only affirming words to others about those you love.

Joy

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”
Psalm 98:19

When your mind wanders into the darkness of anxiety, turn back to remembering the joy God’s given. Remember a loving act by someone close to you, a kind word or God’s grace and faithfulness.

Peace

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as your trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13

Take a moment before getting out of the car to take a deep breath. Not to check phone calls or messages or deliver a behavior reminder to those in the car, but just to add a pause to the rush of life. Pause and breathe in God’s peace.

Patience

“A hot-tempered person stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.”
Proverbs 15:13

Disengage from conversations full of strife. Engage with respect when disagreement is warranted and necessary.

Kindness

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”
Colossians 3:12

Take a moment before your workday begins, be that before children wake up or before clients walk through your door, pray God opens your eyes to specific ways to show kindness.

Goodness

“And never let ugly or hateful words come from your mouth, but instead let your words become beautiful gifts that encourage others; do this by speaking words of grace to help them.”
Ephesians 4:29

Write an encouraging note. Say kind words to silence hateful ones.

Faithfulness

“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.”
Proverbs 3:3

Spend time with God’s Word each day.

Gentleness

“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”
Proverbs 16:24

Smile. Let’s pay attention to our faces. Focus on smiling even when we aren’t sure we mean it… yet.

Self-Control

“For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7

Set parameters for social media. Let’s check the screen time for ourselves, as well as our children. (In full transparency, I’m always shocked at my usage!)

Sweet friends, the calendar flies through the fall season. What will we do these last days of 2019 to make our 2020 soul-story one we want to be living?

Hugs, love and blessings – Bethany

Intentional Fall Decisions

October 2, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

My visions of the fall season are stereotypical. I dream of crisp mornings and sweaters. I long for football games at which a steaming cup of hot chocolate would be the perfect treat, instead of counting water bottle consumption so as not to get dehydrated from the heat. I imagine curling up with a blanket and a book.

To date, this fall season hasn’t lived up to my dreams. The weather forecaster says autumn’s glory is coming. I’ll believe it when I can walk to my car without sweating.

As hot as the start to fall has been, I can’t help but think that we are on the home stretch to 2020. Friends, in just 90 days, we will be ringing in the new year!

“What decisions will I make this fall to make my 2020 story one I want to be living?”

This question has played on repeat in my mind and heart for days.

Last year about this time, I saw a girlfriend posting 100 days of gratitude to end her 2018.

Soon after, I came across a social media post from Rachel Hollis, the author of Girl, Wash Your Face. She encourages her readers: “Imagine what it would be like to start your new year on the 20^th floor instead of back down at the basement.”

I was inspired! It makes perfect sense, but for someone who has always said, “I’ll start Monday” to diets and “I’ll exercise more when it’s cooler,” this was new thinking.

My fingers flew through a series of quick text messages with one of my closest girlfriends, and it was settled. We decided texting would work best for us and jumped into a “90 Days of Gratefulness” challenge together.

From October through December we texted almost daily. We’ve been friends for almost 20 years, so gave lots of grace for missing days! In January, we decided we enjoyed it so much we would keep going with other challenges. We found writing prompts online, modified them for daily texts and came up with our own ideas. As of this week, we’ve texted the vast majority of the last 365 days!

In chapter 20 of her book, “The Next Right Thing,” Emily P. Freeman tells the simple and soul-reaching story of picking new plants for her home. She writes,

I’ve assumed it’s normal to learn some things in life, like how to read, write and use the computer. But for some reason, I think taking care of plants should come naturally. It’s not like that, though. This is also something that could be and, if you want to, should be learned. But we have to start somewhere, and the beginning is as good a place as any. So, pick what you like, then see how it grows. (emphasis mine)
Emily P. Freeman

While Rachel Hollis’ encouragement seems primarily for healthy choices, and gratitude is good for our emotional state, I’m longing this year for my intentional choices to have even deeper, more lasting meaning.

What decisions will I make this fall to make my 2020 SOUL-story one I want to be living?

My year of texts became less about the gratitude and joy and humor we shared, though that was important, and more about committing to connect.

Freeman’s plant picking became less about home aesthetics and more about making the first, small move to try something new.

This season, let’s commit to start, even start small, and see how our decisions grow.

Will we decide to set aside time each week to connect with a friend in person?
Will we commit to pushing aside unkind thoughts and speaking love into those closest to us?
Will we establish a routine of worship and prayer?
Will we choose to say no to invitations that rush us and yes to opportunities that grow us?

In Galatians 5, Paul encourages us to intentionally make choices that bear spiritual fruit – love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. In James 1 and 2, we are reminded that our works – this spiritual fruit Paul taught- are the evidence of our faith.

Almost without fail, our family Christmas card each year wishes others peace and joy in the Christmas Season. This year, my prayer for you begins now. I pray strength and wisdom to make intentional choices to move toward God’s love, joy, and peace in this fall season.

With intentional choices and decisions in the next 90 days, we can begin 2020 closer to a soul-story we want to live.

Hugs, grace, mercy and blessings – Bethany

Launching (& Book Reviews!)

September 25, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

Launch. Catapult. Fling. Set in motion. Promote. Elevate. This Summer season has been full of all these things!

I “LAUNCHED” into my new librarian job!

I promoted two fellow author’s books when I signed up for two “book launch” teams. *Someone, ahem – me, didn’t read for details to realize they ran concurrently!*

I flung my heart into my writing. I shared words with you each week and submitted essays for publication.

And this week, I’m conquering my first Book Fair as the librarian!

What word could you use to describe your Summer Season?

My dream job – surrounded by books, coffee in hand!

The last two book review posts, I’ve organized simply in the order I finished the book. This time, I’m organizing by genre, because I think it will be easier for you to pick out what you might like.

Spiritual Formation and Christian Living Books:

Breathe Again: How to Live Well When Life Falls Apart, by Niki Hardy

Niki is honest, heart-filling and humorous as she bolsters those in painful places to live their full lives in the midst of pain. Her words don’t make cheap promises for immediate happiness or healing in a few simple steps. Instead, she encourages us to swim within the riptide of our pain and allow it to carry us safely to a new place along life’s shores. Niki’s words bubble out of this book like she’s a good friend sharing her story over coffee (or tea in her case since she’s British!). I found myself both giggling aloud and wiping a stray tear through her storytelling. She enhances her advice to find community by sharing stories of other modern day “thrivers” and weaves in Biblical characters and truth. The action steps and prayers at the end of each chapter give us concrete ways to lean in and walk toward God’s promises of abundance. If we are not in the midst of one of life’s hardships, we have been, will be, and know someone who is. I recommend this book as a tool during our own seasons of grief and as a reminder how to love someone well who is going through hurt and hardship.

Remarkable Faith, by Shauna Letellier

Letellier’s writing brings the stories you’ve read hundreds of times to life! I read this book with several ladies from my life group this summer and each of us commented the stories that parallel the Bible verses made our hearts connect in a deep way to the characters and the learning. The truth of Jesus’ saving grace shines through and you’ll put this book down with a heart ready to live with remarkable faith.

Finding Holy in the Suburbs, by Ashley Hales

Oh my! Jesus-following friends, make time to read this book. It is absolutely full of godly wisdom for intentionally choosing what our lives will look like and who we will reflect and imitate. Hales offers practical counter-liturgies and practices we can incorporate into our lives today to create a rhythm of “constant returning” to our Lord. She speaks to what can consume us – consumerism and busyness. She reminds us of God’s desires for us – belovedness and shalom. Her words are a call to action one moment and read like soothing poetry in the next.

So we fill up our hungers with suburban fast-food fixes. More stuff. More busy. More walls. We are scared of silence. Yet finding the space and time and energy to work through our hungers is hard and holy work.
Ashley Hales, Finding Holy in the Suburbs

Parenting:

Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most From You, by Monica Swanson

Monica Swanson has wonderful nuggets of inspiration throughout the book and covers topics from the very basic to the deeper subjects of pornography and financial wisdom. She is a mom to four boys, so the vast majority of her writing comes from personal experience. I especially enjoyed the last chapter – full of encouragement to keep running the marathon of parenthood – and the “Boy Mom Manifesto” at the end of the book. I went into this book with high hopes, but it left me feeling a little like I’d sat through a lecture. She pulls in multiple resource references in each chapter, which is an especially valuable list if you or your son is struggling with a particular issue.

Parenting Your Seventh Grader, by Kristen Ivy and Reggie Joiner

Seventh Grade?! How is this possible? I felt the same way last year about 6^th grade, and truth be told maybe each year prior. About this time last year, the youth ministers at our church recommended this series of books. It is an easy and quick read with places for notes, thoughts and ideas. I especially appreciate their countdown perspective based on weeks left before the child’s 18^th birthday. Ivy and Joiner give insight into the needs and changing brains of our kids, plus ideas for conversations, activities to do, and even books to read together. They have also written books for all ages and grades, birth – twelfth grade. I highly recommend this entire series of books!

Fiction:

Jack: The (Fairly) True Tale of Jack and the Beanstalk, by Liesl Shurtliff

I read these completely out of order from when they were published (2014-2018), but this is my final book to read in Shurtliff’s Fairly True series. I am truly sad to say goodbye to this group of books! I’ve enjoyed them all, but, y’all, this may be my favorite. First, I loved the story. Jack is precocious and a little naughty and completely lovable. If you’ve read the others (Red, Rump and Grump), you’ll enjoy spotting “Easter eggs” throughout that remind readers of the other stories. When you read this one, don’t forget to read the acknowledgments, the personal notes tugged at my heartstrings. Like the others in this series, they are perfect for middle to late elementary school readers; or an easy and heart-warming read for those of us that want our stories to leave us feeling that all is right with the world.

Confessions from the Principal’s Kid, by Robin Mellom

Her mom’s position as principal is ruining Allie’s life. At every turn she’s met with 5^th grade rejection, finding solace only in the other school staff and the small group of teacher’s kids who meet every day after school. This is an endearing story of learning the value of friendship and communication. I smiled all the way through this book (except when I cried). I couldn’t help but reflect on all the hours my growing-too-fast-boy spent at the school after hours and wonder how much of this he felt! Teachers and principals, you have to read this book for a sweet reminder of what our kids might feel like seeing us in the halls every day.

Wishtree, by Katherine Applegate

I first loved this book for the charming cover and quirky point of view. But ended deeply loving this book for its tale of friendship and kindness in a lonely and hurtful world. Red, the neighborhood oak tree, is the teller of the tale of two of the children who have moved into the houses around her. Friends, I can’t imagine a timelier book. If you are saddened by the nightly news and wonder if there is still light in the world or need a book to spark conversations about looking for ways to love all people well, this is it. Every reader should read this book – today.

A Boy Called BAT, by Elana K. Arnold

Arnold’s heartwarming story is simply the tale of the son of a veterinarian who desperately wants to keep and care for a baby skunk. BAT became one of the most endearing characters about which I read this summer. The family even “three honks”, so they could truly have been part of my family (see this post to know what I mean). This book is a wonderful read for teachers and upper elementary school readers.

Unicorn Quest, by Kamilla Benko

Sisters Claire and Sophie find a magical land through a chimney in their new house. After a near capture, Sophie and Claire promise never to return. But Sophie disappears one night, and it is up to Claire to save her. Benko tells an imaginative and adventurous story of growing into who you are meant to become. This book was fun, but easy for me to put down and walk away from until the very end. While I liked it and it would be a fun read for a middle grade girl who enjoys fantasy, it probably won’t be a series I continue to read.

Words on Fire, by Jennifer Nielsen

Nielson weaves the story of Audra, a young Lithuanian girl growing up under Russian rule and ever-present Cossack soldiers. Audra runs from her family farm when the soldiers raid her family’s farmhouse and into an incredible adventure. Nielson’s captivating story pulls readers along through her adventures, growing courage and most importantly understanding why her parents made the hard choices they did. If you like The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak, this book must be added to your To Be Read list! It’s also an excellent story for upper elementary and middle grade readers.

Guts, by Raina Telgemeier

While graphic novels aren’t my go-to, I loved exploring a little in a new genre. Telgemeier’s most recent release is great for middle school girls, a slightly more mature audience than her first two books. Raina, the main character, deals with anxiety and struggles fitting in as she and her friends mature.

Sweet Friends, This week the calendar led us to believe Fall had arrived. However, the outdoor thermometers tell us a different story. I’m ready for evenings curled up under a blanket with a book. What about you? What season do you tend to read the most? Is there anything in your hand or on your list that I should add to my stack for this season?

I’d truly love to hear.

Hugs and Blessings – Bethany

When Margins Meet FOMO

September 18, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

Margins. White space. Priorities. It all sounds great until it meets FOMO. That, my friends, is the intersection at which I sat last weekend. There were four things I thought I’d really like to do over the weekend, but Friday afternoon hit like a concrete truck and I knew, in truth, I needed to rest. My little family of three needed less go and more stay. We needed less loud and more quiet. Staying and quiet won. By Sunday evening, I knew we’d made the best choice.

This idea of “un-rushing”, purposefully slowing down so you aren’t barreling through life at break-neck-speed, beckons my heart. Over and over it calls me to still my body, so in turn I can allow God’s mercies to still my soul.

When we notice our calendars too full, feel our shoulders begin to rise, our breath becomes shallow and our minds race, consider one of these ways to turn toward a slower pace. They work for me, and perhaps, will work for you, too.

Take a walk.

Lace up your walking shoes, open the door and breathe in the fresh air. Those of you that are regular readers and close friends know my story. A new job. A growing too fast boy playing a new sport. Early mornings. New routines. So, unfortunately, these quiet walks were one of the first things I cut out to accommodate the new demands on my time. This cut was not a good idea! My mind and heart have missed the quiet time, and my body has missed the activity. This weekend, I fit one in. It was long and hot and worth every drop of sweat.

Connect with a friend.

A friend and I have been trying to connect in person for weeks. We made it happen this weekend. Can I remind you of something we already know? Eye contact, proximity, and voices impact how close we feel to someone. We talked through more subjects than texting allows, laughed together, and shared hardships. I left with a lighter heart. Not to be bossy, but the next time you have a minute to scroll through social media, consider hopping over to your texts and setting up a time to meet up with someone in person.

Braindump.

Shelby Abrahamsen, at LittleCoffeeFox.com – https://littlecoffeefox.com/brain-dump/ – writes my favorite definition of a brain-dump. She says it is, “simply the act of dumping all the contents of your mind onto paper as one might dump the contents of a purse onto a table.” She likens all the swirling thoughts in our minds to a tornado (isn’t she RIGHT?!), then once they are written they become more defined and can’t circle back around and hit us again. Once you’ve written the brain-dump, then you can sort it into lists if that helps, journal further on a topic, decide what action needs to be taken, or just walk away and come back to it later.

Slow down and smile.

Focus on your senses. Notice the things you see, hear, smell. Inhale. Exhale. Pull your shoulders down. Straighten your back and lift your head. Clench and release a muscle group like your hands. Then, smile. By taking control of our bodies in this way, we can reverse our stress responses.

Worship and praise God for the things He’s done.

In Luke 17, Jesus tells the story of ten men suffering from leprosy. When they asked for mercy, Jesus sent them to the temple and along the way they were healed. But, when one of the men saw he was healed, he doubled back. He fell facedown and thanked Jesus for the healing. Friends, let’s be the one. Let’s be the one who thanks the Lord for what He’s done and what He’s doing.

When margins meet FOMO, how do you choose? What are some things you do to slow down? Anything I should try?

Hugs and blessings, Bethany

What am I pursuing?

September 11, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

I sprinted through the midnight dark streets of the neighborhood. Streetlights and moonlight cast shadows and laughter echoed through the houses. My pack of teenage friends chased after another gaggle of giggling kids. We were in hot pursuit; we raced back to base – a starlit trampoline. A game of cops and robbers. Pursuing each other. Seeking friendship. Stalking belonging.

I sat hunched over a computer screen for hours at the kitchen bar. This is where I could be found each evening after my growing-too-fast-boy went to bed and through the weekends. I listened and took notes intently, researched topics, met with my principal and planned my final project. Pursuing my master’s degree. Seeking knowledge. Stalking career advancement.

I leave my phone in my purse and choose to ignore the buzz of my watch on my wrist. My boy tells me a story. I hold his eyes and soak in his words. Pursuing connection. Seeking to listen not just hear. Stalking future conversations.

I sit quietly. A whispered prayer escapes my lips. I take in the Word. Pursuing a relationship with my friend, Jesus. Seeking my mighty God. Stalking the filling of the Spirit.

Friends, I’ve been reading 1 Timothy. Paul is writing to Timothy, who is a young leader in a growing church. With each verse I read, a word echoes through my mind – pursue. Awareness washes across my heart. It’s as if God is asking me to open my eyes, to evaluate my heart and my pursuits.

What am I pursuing?

When we consciously and with intent choose our pursuits, outside forces of life cannot dictate them for us.

We can pursue venomous, gossip-filled conversations or life-giving, loving conversations. We can pursue noticing the ways our families love us or we can choose to only notice when they don’t do it in the ways we would. We can fill our calendars with all the things we are asked to do and think we must do, or we can say no and carve out margins to rest and restore. We can pursue extra moments with our Savior, or we can be distracted by our to do lists.

Pursuit doesn’t happen without action. We must turn toward that which we are pursuing, focus on it, move toward it.

We must walk toward conversations that breathe life, start them, redirect toward them. We must run toward noticing and celebrating those that care about us and the ways they show us that concern. We must hurdle the obstacles in our calendars and pursue rest. We must sprint toward time with our friend, Jesus.

Pursuit of peace…

Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
Psalm 34:14

Pursuit of righteousness and godliness…

… pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness
1 Timothy 6:11

Pursuit of encouragement…

Pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another
Romans 14:19

Sweet friends, what will you turn toward and pursue this week?

Love, Hugs, Mercy and Grace – Bethany