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Moments of Celebration

March 4, 2020 by Bethany McMillon

The receiver catches the long pass for an impossible score. The crowd erupts! Sometimes, I jump up and cheer. There is screaming until I’m hoarse and clapping and dancing that goes with this kind of revelry.

A tooth fairy visit, a found book, a completed sticker chart or an amazing grade warrant an actual, “AHA!” or “yesss!” The merriment bounces out of my mouth with a hug and a high five or fist bump.

But then, there are the quiet celebrations, when dreams are realized, or broken lives are restored. Silent, happy tears fall, then and my breath catches.

To celebrate. Each moment different, but each celebration true.

Spring feels like celebration – warm and new. I examine the ground for tiny sprouts and color telling me it’s almost time. My heart soars as daylight stretches from morning commute to evening commute. Birthdays will be celebrated, the school year will close, days will get warmer, time will continue.

Lord, my God, I pray. Let me not lose track of the moments. Let me celebrate each one.

In the morning when I rise….

Thank you for breath, for waking, for rising. Lord, thank you that each day is a gift. Open my eyes to notice Your Good. Open my mouth and heart to share your joy. Remind me to praise.

In the afternoon when I pause….

Thank you for the kindness of those around me today. Thank you for placing me here.

In the evening when I’m home again….

Thank you for our home – for shelter and a safe place. Thank you for bringing each of us home again.

When the day is done….

Thank you for a day complete. Thank you for a physical place to lay my head and for a place to rest my soul – in your everlasting arms.

Celebration.

Hugs and blessings, Bethany

Things I Learned this Winter, 2019-2020

February 26, 2020 by Bethany McMillon

The age-old refrain, “Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day,” plays on repeat as I rush, soaked from the sideways windy rain, to the car. I banter back in my own head, “Winter, winter, go away! Come again another day!”

I have no answer, really, to the question, “What’s your favorite season?” They are all my favorites – when they arrive! I love the bursts of color as winter gives way to spring, the first day it is hot enough to turn the car into an oven, the stretching shadows as summer fades to fall, and the first breath that hangs frozen in winter.

But then, I love to say good-bye when it’s time. The gray skies of winter feel heavy on my shoulders. Alternately, the heat of summer will stifle my heart.

I find myself regularly looking forward to the next season, instead of enjoying the beauty in the moments of the current one.

In Emily P. Freeman’s book, Simply Tuesday, she writes, “When I get caught up in the planning for later, it helps to sit on a bench and remember where I am. I pull out my journal and at the top I write five words: These are the days of…”

Winter. These have been the days of…

Waking before dawn.

Learning to be a librarian.

Conversations with an almost teenager.

Intermittent fasting.

Wishing for more time and better weather for outside walks.

Evening writing until I’ve left a dent in the couch cushions.

Eating out more than eating in.

Extra doses of Vitamin C and Elderberry.

Standing dates with my laptop each Monday and Tuesday evening.

It calms my heart to call it what it is. A season.

As has become my custom, I’ve kept track of what I’ve learned this season.

Author’s Notes and Epilogues

Reading the author’s note or the Epilogue at the end of a book is one of my favorite parts of reading a book! Knowing even a quick synopsis of what has happened in the future somehow completes the story for me. Reading who a person thanks and how it gives insight to their hearts and their writing process. Witness Protection by Jake Burt and Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins are perfect examples. Maybe I’ve always felt this way, but I’m just now thinking about my thinking enough to realize it.

Writing and Speaking Words

Writing doesn’t require me to think on my feet! And that’s one of the reasons I like writing it best, right now! I had the opportunity to be interviewed recently for a podcast (more details coming soon!!). After thinking through what I said during the interview, I thought of 100 things I should have said or would have said if I’d known the questions before, or phrases I used that I would change. I hear myself say to kids all the time to keep practicing because no one does things perfectly the first time every time. Maybe I should listen to my own advice!

Cucumbers

I am still allergic to cucumber. I did my first ever juice cleanse – 3 days of cold pressed juice and chicken broth. Turns out, I haven’t outgrown that pesky cucumber allergy. So, after a day of an on-fire throat, tingly lips and itchy ears way down deep, I realized what was happening, set that type of juice aside and quickly grabbed a couple of Benadryl. I think I’ll do it again sans cucumber!

Stretching

Morning stretching both wakes my mind when I’m sleepy and calms it when I wake up spinning. I start with my neck and work down. Often, I do a few movements to work the major muscle groups. I work through using counts of eight. Somehow the repetitive counting and focus on my breathing and each muscle group focuses my brain. Without my morning rhythms, I notice my brain goes into overdrive as I got ready for the day – it likes to look for reasons to be stressed!

Tortoises

Tortoises – the kind that can grow to over 100 lbs – tend to stop growing when they can’t see outside their enclosure. To continue growing, they must be able to see their surroundings, to peek through the wooden slats. I think it’s true for human growth, too! If we can only see our small enclosure – our own circumstances, our own classroom, our own situation – we won’t be able to grow. I tend to hibernate in the winter, and I’m ready to see outside my own enclosure!

What about you, my friends? What have you learned this season? Even though it’s not TECHNICALLY spring until the end of March, are you ready?

Hugs and Blessings (and happy ALMOST spring)! – Bethany

Tether Yourself: When the Rope Drops

February 19, 2020 by Bethany McMillon

Laughter illuminated my friend’s brown eyes. Those of us around her couldn’t help but giggle, too, as she recounted the story of her almost-left-the-nest child calling her for directions on some home maintenance while she’d been out of town. She is a master storyteller, so it caught me off guard when her laughing stopped abruptly. She looked us all straight in the eye and said, “Girls, your babies will be off on their own before you know it. Make sure they’re ready.”

In certain moments I almost choke, completely caught up in this thought.

Make sure they are ready.

I subscribe to the Parent Cue app. It includes a constant countdown to my growing-too-fast boy’s 18^th birthday. After that, I’ll have about 16 weeks before he’ll most likely leave for college. “284 weeks until he moves on… don’t miss it.”

My Beloved and I will blink and high school parenting will be upon us.

In lightspeed, my mind returns to Rachel’s quote, “Tether yourself to real people, real conversations and real scenery. Tether yourself to furry animals, interesting books, good music, the great outdoors. Tether yourself to spatulas, hammers, cameras, paintbrushes, and yoga mats.” – Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama **click for link**

We work toward tethering ourselves to real experiences and to celebrating our families and those we love. But, I’m still left holding this question: What if I drop the rope?

What if we drop the rope?

Quite simply, let’s commit to pick it back up. We don’t have to wait until morning, or Monday or even the New Year. Let’s choose now – in this minute – to return to the work of tethering.

When our screen time doubles in a week, let’s recommit and set our devices out of arms reach again. Let’s look up and begin another conversation about eye to eye and face to face interactions, then move forward.

When we snap answers to questions or quietly seethe at frustrating choices, let’s consciously choose to refocus on grace. Let’s not stay in the dark corners of bitterness.

When we take ourselves too seriously, let’s make room for fun and merriment. Let’s play games, be social and find ways to laugh.

Making a life

In her weekly podcast, “The Next Right Thing”, Emily P Freeman begins each episode reminding us that each decision isn’t as much about the actual making of the decision as it is about making a life. (paraphrased)

The same is true for staying tethered. Morning greeting by morning greeting, car ride conversation by car ride conversation and dinner together by dinner together, we are making a life with our kids. When we fail, and we will, don’t give up. Pick the rope up again. Tether.

And, when our hands get tired of tying and blistered from holding on too tight, when the rope drops, let’s commit to not just our own rope, but each other’s as well. Sweet friend, if you don’t have the strength I’ll hand your rope to you – with a smile and a hug. I’ll hold the rope a while so you can rest.

Will you do the same when I drop mine?

Hugs and blessings, Bethany

Tether Yourself: Side by Side

February 12, 2020 by Bethany McMillon

I sat, curled up and legs tucked under, on our giant red couch. My Beloved walked in, only slightly hiding the hot pink, ribbon wrapped, package in his hand. I pulled at the ribbon bow and opened a beautiful set of personalized stationery.

It was our first Valentine’s Day. The cards were printed with my new last name! I couldn’t have felt more loved, seen and understood at that moment. I grew up never being able to find my name on the cutesy trinkets or ready-made cards. In a time before we could order everything online and have it delivered two days later, he’d darkened the door of a brick and mortar store and placed an order weeks before to have them ready.

In our commercialized, holiday-manufacturing world, we see and hear the hype continuously. The gifts we give must be Pinterest-perfect, well-thought-out, and meaningful. For an added special touch, we should give them on the beach or on the top of skyscrapers. Diamonds and armsful of roses. Expensive dinners at swanky restaurants and life-size (super creepy) teddy bears. The valentines we receive, the giver and the recipient must be perfectly posed and documented on all the socials.

But, is that necessary?

Tether yourself to real people, real conversations and real scenery. Tether yourself to furry animals, interesting books, good music, the great outdoors. Tether yourself to spatulas, hammers, cameras, paintbrushes, and yoga mats. – Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama
Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama (click for link)

This season let’s tether to our people. More than one day on the calendar in the middle of each February, let’s establish daily ways to love our people.

Let’s consider our words.

What could we say that would give life to our people? Have we noticed something wonderful about them lately? Or what do they do that is consistently meaningful?

In Proverbs, we read “gentle words bring life and health” (15:4), “kind words are like honey” (16:24) and “words can be life-giving water” (18:4). This season seems a perfect match for gentle, kind and life-giving words.

A note or a text message (or lipstick on the mirror if you’re feeling romantic-comedy-esque) allows our loved ones to have tangible evidence of what we are feeling.

Let’s consider our time.

When was the last time we enjoyed the company of our people without distraction?

In her book, Rhythms of Renewal, Rebekah Lyons writes “with our presence becoming more digitized and less embodied, our methods of communication don’t feed something we need – proximate human connection.”

Let’s get close and connect. Perhaps we could take a minute away from the rush and sit across from our people to enjoy an ice cream or a cup of coffee. If it can’t be done today, let’s make time to get it on our calendars.

If it feels impossible to get away, consider pulling your people into an activity we have on our to-do list. If we’re making dinner, we could ask them to stir while we chop or make a salad while we make the marinade.

Simply, look for ways to be side by side.

Let’s not take ourselves too seriously.

This week I caught the end of an old movie on TV and couldn’t quit laughing! My growing-too-fast boy was in the middle of a video game, but my giggles made him come down to see what was happening. He sat down next to me for just the last minutes of the show. Have you laughed lately?

I’ve never been a prankster, but doesn’t sharing a funny story or movie or inside joke make us all feel more connected?

According to a 2017 article by David DiSalvo in Forbes (click for link), the serotonin released when we laugh doesn’t just foster connection, but laughter has an anti-inflammatory effect and is shown to lessen the stress response!

Friends, let’s celebrate the ones we love! But, in our festivity, let’s not lose sight of the loved ones we are celebrating.

Hugs and blessings, Bethany

Tether yourself: What I Learned from my Screen Time Report

February 5, 2020 by Bethany McMillon

Tether yourself to real people, real conversations and real scenery. Tether yourself to furry animals, interesting books, good music, the great outdoors. Tether yourself to spatulas, hammers, cameras, paintbrushes, and yoga mats.
-Rachel Macy Stafford, on Hands Free Mama (link)

Tether yourself.

This phrase, meant to be a conversation starter for teens about smartphones bounces around in my head, as it has been for weeks.

As I got ready for the day one morning, I flipped my head upside down. With my blow dryer humming, I scrunched my hair dry. A familiar buzz vibrated at my wrist. Sunday morning zaps usually mean one of two things – a coupon from JoAnn Fabrics, which is a weekly reminder of time long past in which I did more crafting, and my ~~dreaded~~ informative screen time report.

I glanced down.

Yep, definitely more time than I could imagine it being. Did I really waste that much time on my phone DAILY?! I remember, “tether myself.”

I’m always a little shocked when I see the time summary. So, in the last few weeks I’ve tried to take that shock, reflect on why it was shocking and make some adjustments. I needed to check the tethering rope.

My Reflection:

Tracking the time on my phone is important because the time on my phone is time I’m NOT doing other important things.

I say connecting with and loving my people is my mission. Does my phone time reflect that?

My adjustments:

I committed to several days of trying four “simple things” we read about in the all. The. Places.

1 – I leave my phone more than an arms-length away from where I relax in the evenings.

Most evenings, I left my phone on the bar in the kitchen while I worked around the house, watched TV with family or read and wrote. Even though my watch buzzed with new notifications occasionally, I took care of it in “batches” since I had to stand at the bar to reply to a text or look something up. It felt weird to stand and scroll through posts!

2 – I set a timer.

My brother calls it “the sit and scroll.” Most people I know do it! We sink into the couch, pull out our phones and spend the next minutes (hours?!) allowing ourselves to be bombarded with ads, opinions, and a sprinkling of updates that we really care about. However, when the timer was set, even if I didn’t hop up and close the app immediately, I was more aware of the time I spent.

3 – I moved my social media apps to the last screen of my phone.

I now swipe three screens to the right to see the folder of social media choices. This simple act makes me more aware of what I’m doing with my time. It was a habit to click in the bottom right of the first screen. But, moving them broke the habit.

4 – I set a rule that I wouldn’t check social media unless I’d finished other things first or until a certain time of day.

Henry Ward Beecher is known to have said, “The first hour of the morning is the rudder of the day.” Likewise, if I start my day scrolling, I’m more likely to do it the rest of the day.

My Realizations:

Open me, PLEASE – If I haven’t opened one of the popular social media sites (the one that begins with an F) in a few hours or so, it sends random notifications. “There are 42 new items for sale at ___!” or “__ added to their story!” And, it’s true the little red notification dot does make me more likely to open the app. Now, I am leaning toward turning off the notifications completely.

Counting Minutes – In my desire to cut down on the minutes my phone was in use, I inadvertently cut important, connecting things, too. I was less likely to allow my growing too fast boy to play DJ in the car because that used my minutes. I didn’t make as many phone calls for the same reason. In my head, I know this makes no sense, but, my obsessive nature got the best of me.

Ways I can keep the rope tethered tightly:

Primarily, I’ll use the phone for connecting with my people. I’ll make the calls and send the texts. Regardless of the minutes used, these connections make life rich and are good for my heart.

And, I’ll remember to keep the phone out of arms reach while I’m at home.

Also, I’ll work in batches. Cleaning out my personal email once a week is working for me right now. Setting a timer to sit and scroll is working for me right now.

Finally, I’ll work to remember, even the apostle John ends two of his letters (2 John and 3 John) with hopes to visit face to face with other believers. Doesn’t this sentiment from two thousand years ago reflect our feelings today?

What practical tips do you have for tethering yourself to what matters most? I truly can’t wait to hear.

Hugs and blessings – Bethany

*** Tether Yourself article by Rachel Macy Stafford for Hands Free Mama: https://www.handsfreemama.com/2017/12/15/tether-yourself-the-enlightening-talk-parents-arent-having-can-keep-teens-from-a-damaging-drift/ ***

A Psalm For When We Feel Not Quite Enough

January 29, 2020 by Bethany McMillon

My weary eyes don’t leave the road. I grip a coffee mug in one hand and the steering wheel in the other.

My growing-too-fast-boy sits next to me, fully unaware of present-day life, completely over-taken by the fantasy world of the novel in his hand. I wonder if I do enough as his mom to nurture him.

My mind drifts. I replay a conversation from the day before and reprimand myself for my response. I mentally list the errands that must be done after school today and come up with a rhyme to remember the five things I want to add to my grocery list. I wonder how other moms seem to hold it all together.

My mind circles back and I remember a conversation that needs to happen as soon as I arrive at school. My watch buzzes a reminder to pray for a struggling friend. I whisper it to our friend, Jesus. I wish I had more time to connect deeply with friends.

The stoplight turns red. I pause.

Like a whispered echo, my heart hears, “I know when you sit and when you rise… Before a word is on your tongue I know it completely.” My thoughts ease. He already knows it all. There is no where I can go where God is not there. There is no thought I can have that is too big for God.

A Paraphrased Psalm 139, for when we feel not quite enough

Lord, you know the depths of my heart and my soul, better than I know myself.

You know when I sit, in my car on the long drive to and from work, and when I rise, to run an errand, work at the house, or pace uneasily.

You perceive all my thoughts – the ones I craft and share on social media and the ones that swirl deep under the surface. You know the fun, lighthearted whims, and the tear-filled pleas.

You keep watch as I go out into the world or lay down for rest or in defeat; you are intimately familiar with my strengths, my celebrations, my routines, my frustrations and my insecurities.

Before a word is on my tongue – or on the paper – when it is just a shadow of a thought you know it completely, whether it honors you, or not, O Lord.

I am surrounded by you in time – you are in my yesterday, my today and my tomorrow, in space – you are above me, below me and all around me. Your hand both cradles and guides me.

Such knowledge awes, comforts and overwhelms me….

You created me on purpose. You molded more than just my body, but my soul – my passions and wonderings. You designed this day and this moment and I’m in it, in this place, because You want me here. You designed it this way.

Know me, God, and lead me.

-Amen

Hugs and Blessings, Bethany