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When Regret Knocks

July 24, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

Not long ago, the number of days in our school’s-out-season took a bit of a cut, as I said “YES!” to a new full-time position for me beginning in August. I smiled for days at the opportunity. I was barely able to believe the blessing. Days later, as I tell people the news, I still can’t contain my grin. It’s the kind of opportunity that feels like a dream.

But then, this week, for just a moment, Regret knocked on my door. Regret brought a heavy, gray cloud. She dripped with doubt over how I’d spent my summer so far and my year away from full time work. She carried bag after bag of unfinished projects, fun that hasn’t yet been had, too few mornings on the porch, too few nights in the pool, too few visits with family and friends. Her low, accusing whisper clawed its way to my ears through the locked door.

Maybe you’ve felt it too? Regret knocking on your door? A gray cloud of summer’s-almost-over moving in? Has it swept into your soul?

This isn’t the first time Regret has shown up this time of year. Last summer about this time, I obsessively began to think of the “perfect way” to end our summer and for William to begin middle school. I remembered two free tickets to Six Flags we’d earned during the school year. It would be perfect! We packed a bag with cash and sunscreen, dressed in our comfiest, quickest drying, hot-weather clothes and decided we were really winning because a “cool front” had come through and the temperature was “only” supposed to be 93. We were ready to head out when I noticed our tickets had, only two days prior, expired!! How had I let free tickets expire? How could I have possibly not checked the date? Regret knocked.

After kicking myself, wringing my hands, and waiting half an hour on the phone with automated answer after automated answer, I hung up and decided we would drive the hour to get there, then cross our fingers and hope for the best. We paid the $25 to park and headed in. I was thrilled when the ticket booth guy said we could head straight to the gate. My excitement lasted less than five minutes. The gate personnel corrected his claim; the tickets were, indeed, expired! Regret knocked.

At a second trip to the ticket booth, the (not so helpful) attendant said, “No, they cannot exchange them for a current ticket.” “No, they cannot give credit for a new ticket.” “No, they have no current ticket deals or discounts”. The “lowest price” he could give us was astronomical for the few hours we had before we needed to be home. I simply couldn’t spend that much. So, we left. I was defeated. I opened the door wide and Regret walked right in and got comfy.

While walking back to the car, I finally asked William what he’d rather do instead, he suggested a movie. A quick search brought up a 1:45 showing of The Meg at a theatre close to the house. An hour drive later and we had two hours of silly, at times intense, fun watching people chase down a megalodon shark! Regret left; she isn’t a fan of intentionally choosing fun, laughter and focusing on our people.

Friends – Can I tell you something about Regret’s visit this week? Lean in and let me encourage you with the second half – the best part – of the story.

It isn’t the first time she’s come to call since last year, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. But when Regret knocked this summer, I didn’t let her in. And, please don’t you let her in either. She steals our joy as quickly as Comparison.

Instead, we can choose, again, to be intentional. We can look for ways to build relationships with our people. We can carve out slivers of time to connect with our kids in the going-too-fast days. We can intentionally hold on to each moment we are given.

Hold on by squeezing in a movie he’s asked to see.

Hold on by setting your alarm early enough to see the sunrise.

Hold on by calling a friend for coffee.

Hold on by planning a day trip to remember.

Hold on by listening to the play by play recap of his video game win or the newest music on her playlist.

Hold on by treasuring all the milestones met, memories made, and moments shared. I mean, really, it has been an awesome season even if it ended today.

Hold on to intentionally choosing our people. Regret isn’t welcome here in these last 15 days of summer. Instead, let’s hold fast to intentionality.

How will you be intentional in the last days of summer? I’d love to hear!

Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy all you upright in heart!
Psalm 32:11

Hugs! – Bethany

Honk, Honk, Honk

July 16, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

Gram and Grandpa’s house sat on an acre in the middle of a small city in Missouri. Once into town, we turned left at the Braum’s, then right, past an apartment complex, and when we topped the hill, their house was on the right.

For the longest time, deep red shake siding welcomed us up the steep, black asphalt to their door. We parked just off the driveway under one of the pecan trees. They’d almost always be watching out the window. One of them would throw the front door open before we could knock or ring the bell. They’d both squeeze us all tight with greeting. Gram would exclaim, “Well, glory be! You’re here safe and sound!”

Greetings, hugs and exclamations welcomed us into a house that wasn’t our everyday home, but so full of love, it could easily have been.

Childhood summer memories from their house have flooded my mind lately. Last week I mentioned snapping beans on the porch, but there was also frozen apple cookies and chocolate crinkles after each meal, wagon rides behind the small tractor and a yard big enough for us to play baseball.

A vision of our old station wagon pulling out of Gram and Grandpa’s driveway came to mind, too. As we loaded the car and exchanged hugs, Gram would say to Dad, “Drive safe, you have precious cargo.” Dad would honk the horn three times as he backed down the driveway. Then, they would stand on the porch and wave until we were over the hill and couldn’t see them anymore. We would all wave back. In every memory I have of pulling out of the long black driveway on Highview, we honked three times. Fast forward, thirty years and when I leave my parents driveway, I honk three times. When my brothers and sisters leave my driveway, they honk three times.

Gram and Grandpa’s house on a cold March evening. By this time, the red shake had been updated to gray siding.

Three honks when you leave, three taps after a hug, three squeezes when you walk by, three kisses goodnight, all are part of our family way. Ways to say, “I love you” without actual words. The reassurance comes through our ears with honks and words. It comes through our skin with taps and squeezes. It sinks into our hearts. We are the precious cargo.

My house and porch are more quiet than usual today. I watched my boy ride away yesterday in a van full of pre and early teens. There were no honks and just a few through-the-window waves. For me, three blinks to rid my eye of a simultaneously thankful and nervous tear. They are the precious cargo.

Author Emily P. Freeman introduced me to a quote by Elizabeth Elliott, “You are loved by an everlasting love. And underneath are the everlasting arms.” It’s reflective of,

I have loved you with an everlasting love.
Jeremiah 31:3

Jeremiah spoke God’s words to an exiled Israel. It’s reflective of David’s repeating words,

His love endures forever.
Psalm 136

And Paul’s words,

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, not anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8

Three verses echo back to us, so that we may hold them close today. You – we – are loved by an everlasting love. You are the precious cargo.

Does your family have an unspoken language to show love, too? I’d love to hear.

As I say goodbye today, sweet friend, three honks to remember you are loved.

Hugs and Blessings – Bethany

The Spiritual Practice of Porch Sitting

July 9, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

I am a porch-sitter. As a child, I perched waiting and watching on porch steps to see the long, black Cadillac of my friend’s parents come around the corner signaling she was home and could play. I wilted into the porch swing at my grandparent’s house in the summer and helped snap green beans over the big steel bucket or ate blackberries until my fingers turned purple. As a young adult, I hosted friends for cookouts and conversations on porches.

I don’t need big, expansive, well-decorated porches to be pulled outside, though I won’t complain at all if that’s the option. In one of my favorite writing memories, I holed up on a small balcony porch for several hours during a weekend away with Jerry while he played golf. Just a couple of chairs, a little shade and the view.

Now, my porch at home calls me for coffee and a book or just a quiet minute.

My parent’s porch is the place of so many laughs and stories and memories and tears. A few weeks ago, William and I drove up to spend time with part of my family. As is our post-dinner practice, we filled the rocking chairs on the porch, some with kids in our laps and rocked on the porch each evening. We visited through the sunset and rocked the nighttime sky into being. The sun crept down turning the sky from blue to purple to black. As cliché as it is, there is nothing like a big Texas sky. I am a porch sitter.

Porch sitting is a whisper away from a spiritual practice in my heart. As my body slows, my eyes open to God’s glory surrounding each moment. Maybe the painted sunset, maybe the connection through conversation, maybe worship through my written word, maybe just rest, a moment of Sabbath.

The Spiritual Practice of Sitting on the Porch…

Blue sky as vast as the ocean, decorated with clouds as white as snow

Cool breezes ring the evening song in the wind chimes

Rocking chairs sway to the easy rhythm of conversation

Blue deepens to heather, the sun’s rays rim the clouds with golden edge

Laughter sings through the air on the wind

Memories long-forgotten waft stories to share

Heather deepens to mulberry, pinks and oranges radiate from the once white clouds

Cold drinks clink and sweet treats savored

Quiet stills life’s frantic pace

Mulberry deepens to black, clouds give way to innumerable pinpoint lights of the stars

There is something sacred about opening the back door and stepping outside. Where do you go to slow enough to see God’s hand? Is there a physical place that draws you to lean into His goodness? I’d love to hear.

From sunrise brilliance to sunset beauty, lift His praise from dawn to dusk!
Psalm 113:3

Hugs and Blessings, Bethany

A chance to escape (& Book Reviews!)

June 26, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

I shivered, covered my feet with a blanket and wished for the warmth of hot chocolate…. A tiny, black mosquito buzzed by ear and I looked up, blinking to ease the scene from my mind and stretching into the warmth of the sunshine on my patio. I wasn’t actually experiencing a snowy afternoon in an enchanted castle. I was still here, in reality, in the Dallas suburbs, in the middle of June. The storytelling and complete immersion in the book had taken me to a different time and place. Books give us the chance to escape when needed, but also experience hardship, loss, anger, sadness, love, friendship, celebration in far deeper ways than scrolling through the perfect-moments-only social media feed that is ever-present.

The book stack grows quickly and quietly on the small round table in the corner of our living room. The curated list on my phone is ever-present and always changing. A stash of books can be found in each nook and cranny of our home. Books. I adore them. As many have said before, they offer windows into worlds we don’t know, can’t experience. They give us heroes and villains, often helping our minds to process emotions and situations.

*sigh* Books really are a gift, aren’t they?

Without further ado… here’s what I’ve been reading since March and what I’ve thought about each one!

“40 Days of Decrease”

by Alicia Britt Chole – (https://amzn.to/2XdDHxv) In the early spring, in the midst of the Sermon on the Mount Bible Study (see the 2019 Winter Reading list post if you want to refresh your memory), my Bible study small group spent some time talking about fasting. A fast wasn’t a new concept to me, but the conversation ignited my curiosity and brought me to the desire to deepen my understanding and do something different for the Lenten season this year. In my search, I found this book. Chole weaves together a daily exercise including a devotional practice based on Jesus’ life, a reflection, a suggested daily fast and a collection of thoughts, quotes and historical perspective on the observance of Lent. This book was just what I craved – a way to learn more about the traditional forty days of fasting and shift my focus to Jesus’ life, crucifixion and resurrection. In Day One, Chole invites the reader “to consider Lent as less of a project and more of a sojourn… a ‘temporary stay at a place.’… a ‘stay’ is about presence, not productivity”. In my Lenten sojourn, I noticed part of Jesus’ humanity that I had not yet recognized, fasted thoughts and attitudes and grasped more completely why a season of decrease is perhaps more necessary than ever for today’s world. Friends, get this book. Chole’s daily devotional speaks to the heart. Her suggestions for a daily fast give practical focus on fasting. And her research and explanation of the history of Lent are intelligent and thorough. If you save it for next year’s Lenten season, that’s fine, but you don’t have to wait!

“Remembering Holy Week”

by Shauna Letellier – This short e-book, available on Shauna’s website, (https://shaunaletellier.com/) is written as a weeklong, daily devotional for Holy Week. Shauna takes Scripture and weaves it into a historical fiction. I love this writing style so much that I subscribed to her blog and just weeks later suggested her book, “Remarkable Faith“, (https://amzn.to/2XBD2oA) to my life group friends as a possibility for us to do this summer. (They agreed! You’ll see it in my next review since we are still reading it.) On her blog in the weeks following Easter, she told the story of Peter, from his eyes, after the resurrection. She is a master at intertwining the Scripture, theology, history and the fictional story of the people mentioned in Scripture.

“Christian History Made Easy”

by Timothy Paul Jones, PhD (https://amzn.to/2YaHvvv) – I started 2019 with a sense of questioning towards Christianity in a religious sense. I wasn’t questioning my faith in Jesus, or that Scripture was God’s word. But, more along the line of the question: “how did we get from there (apostolic writing in the gospels) to here (2019)?” Jones breaks down the last 2000 years into one easy to read, conversationally written book. Each chapter spans 100-200 years and explains the “highlights” of what is happening to the church at that time. He does not sugar-coat the failures of the Christian church at various times in history, nor does he push a specific denomination. This book is an excellent read to fill in the blanks of Christian history. I would highly recommend it if you like history or are having some of the same questions.

“America’s First Daughter”

by Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie (https://amzn.to/2X8jNUh) – I read a review of this book years ago, and it’s been on my list forever. I’ve looked for it lots of times at Half Price Books, but never found it. I chose it after the others mentioned in #1-3, because I needed a little change in subject matter after tackling Lent and Christian History! Dray and Kamoie tell the enticing story of Patsy Jefferson, daughter of President Thomas Jefferson, by piecing together what remains of their letters, historical artifacts and documentation and some conjecture as to how things could have happened. It is a fascinating look at the history of our country through a woman who lived through the Revolution and the building of our country. Dray and Kamoie draw the reader into understanding the triumphs -and deep troubles – of the family and dig into Patsy’s devotion to her father and ultimately to her country. An excellent read, if you enjoy historical fiction! On a side note, just after finishing this book, I saw Dray and Kamoie collaborated again to write “My Dear Hamilton: A Novel of Eliza Schuyler Hamilton“, published just last year. Don’t be surprised if you see it on the next recap!

“Placemaker, Cultivating Places of Comfort, Beauty and Peace”

by Christie Purifoy (https://amzn.to/2XAlPMr)– A friend of mine shared this book with me, and I’m so thankful she did. The book itself is absolutely beautiful. The cover is like soft linen and the uneven cut of the pages feel like stumbling into someone’s private gardening journal. Purifoy writes poetically of places she has lived, built, loved and left. She compares with and uses trees and plants as illustrations throughout the book with the primary backdrop of the story being Maplehurst, her Pennsylvania home. Purifoy sees God’s creation of nature as a window to His heart and writes of prayer, faith, longing for home and hospitality. “Every place made by God is loved by God, and that includes every place where his people dwell. If we are willing to look through the lens of love, then we will see that every place has some particular magic.” This soulful book would make a gorgeous gift for a hostess or the garden or nature-lover in your life.

“Grump, the (Fairly) True Tale of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs”

by Liesl Shurtliff (https://amzn.to/2X8k1e5) – Y’all, I simply love this series. Shurtliff weaves a delightful backstory to the seven dwarves in Snow White’s fairy tale centered around the dwarf Borlen, nicknamed Grump, for his less-than amiable interactions with his fellow dwarves. The story is full of adventure and the charming moral that friends love you simply for who you are. This is the third I’ve read (for a review of the others, Red and Rump, see my previous review post here). Each of the books stand alone; you don’t need to read them in order. These books are perfect for middle to late elementary school readers; or an easy and heart-warming read for those of us that want our stories to leave us feeling that all is right with the world.

“As Old as Time, A Twisted Tale”

by Liz Braswell (https://amzn.to/2YlTs1T) – One of the books from this series, published by Disney Press, recently caught my eye from across the box retailer room. The covers are gorgeous and slightly dark while still emitting the very essence of the fairy tale story. I didn’t buy the book when I first saw it, but later searched for it at HPB and then found this one at Target. My searching was not in vain. This book did not disappoint! Braswell alternates between the stories of Belle and her mother, beautifully telling an action-packed story of how magic comes back to itself. This book is another one that is wonderful for late elementary or middle school readers. You will definitely see another one or more from the series in my future recaps. It is a story with which we are all familiar, but the “twist” is one fairy tale readers will love! (It also comes in a Box Set with “A Whole New World” and “Once Upon a Dream” – https://amzn.to/2YetVr0 )

“Breaking Busy”

by Alli Worthington (https://amzn.to/2FyB0vh) – Listen in, my friends. This book has been on my “to read” list forever. I stumbled on it in a bargain bin recently and I’m over the moon that I did. I wish I’d read it last year or 18 months ago. Worthington mixes humor and specific action steps to slow us down from life’s overwhelm. Her first story in chapter one literally had me laughing out loud at the bargain bin. She talks capacity, relationships, and calling through the voice of someone who has experienced crazy times and come through bruised, beaten and ready to encourage others. Teacher friends, read this book this summer to steady yourself before you walk into a new school year. Moms, read this book in the in-between times of shuffling our precious cargo.

A random little side note: I’m semi-obsessed with – colored pencils! (https://amzn.to/2X4Rwy1). Forever I’ve been one of *those* people who writes in her books. Even in my fiction ones, you’ll likely find a circled paragraph or two of writing that I particularly loved or a note to a connection between another book or idea. But, just this year, I’ve started doing that in colored pencil more often. As many of you know, I love me some flair pens (https://amzn.to/2FuT09W), and for lots of books, a ballpoint is just fine. I don’t always use the same tool, and it kind of depends on the paper, but the colored pencils are kind of a thing for me right now… so maybe you want to try it, too?

What about you? What are you reading right now? Anything I need to add to my to read list? Drop a picture or link in the comments or on the socials!

Happy Reading, my friends! Hugs – Bethany

*Please note: I (Bethany McMillon) am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.*

Want to go for a walk with me?

June 19, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

“Want to go walk with me?” I pose this question often to my two guys. Often, they are buried in a book or focused on a TV show or knee deep in a project, so they decline. Instead, Fasbee and I head out together. She’s always eager to see what’s happening around the neighborhood.

You, my friends, know of my love for quiet walks. My shoulders relax and my lungs expand and my ears rest and my mind becomes clear. I vary my path and routine. Sometimes we turn right, sometimes left. Sometimes I walk in the quiet, sometimes I listen to a podcast or music. But, sometimes, one of my guys says yes to a walk with me.

There are few things that melt my heart quicker than when my growing too fast boy reaches for my hand as we walk or offers to man the leash. His tales of video game back stories and conquests, or his thoughts on news, or funny things his friends say and do are rattled off easily when we walk side by side.

With my love, the conversations are usually quieter, just matching pace step by step. Walking side by side as we promised to do forever.

God poses this question to us, too. “Want to walk with me?” He beckons.

The Old Testament Fathers of our faith said yes – Enoch, Moses and Noah. When Jesus asked, the disciples followed. If we say yes to walking with Him, He makes firm our steps, and lights our path (Psalm 37:23-24, 119:105). He restores our soul as we walk with Him and sets our feet on the rock (Psalm 23:3, 40:2).

Friends, keep asking your people, because sometimes they say yes. Keep saying yes when God asks, because He promises restoration.

If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.
Psalm 37:23-24

Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.
Psalm 119:105

He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.
Psalm 23:2-3

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
Psalm 40:2

Hugs and blessings, -Bethany

Choices and Checklists

June 11, 2019 by Bethany McMillon

At 9:05 last Thursday morning, I sat on the side of the road with this….

I had taken William to camp and had wonderful plans to enjoy coffee and biscuits with friends (see #5 on this post to understand my love for this little place). But then, *insert sigh*, I heard an actual pop as I turned the corner. I knew that dreaded flat tire sound before I’d even pulled over to see what happened.

This moment could have been my chance to practice what I had just preached to William the night before about choices and choosing our attitude output, no matter the input….

Y’all, I’d love for this post to be titled “3 Quick Ways to Change your Attitude” – or even to say that I made the “right choice” with my attitude – but that would be a big, fat, hairy lie.

In reality, I didn’t walk to get coffee from another place while I waited on Roadside Service, and I was incredibly irritated at a miscommunication with a service person that was unrelated to the flat tire. A few hours later, I fumed about the cash back offer I was given at Half Price Books, and that evening I was almost in tears feeling slighted by a group communication. The cherry on top? The day ended with me soaked to the bone in an unexpected rain shower while I walked the dog. It was, as Alexander so aptly phrased it, “a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day”.

I tried and tried all day to flip the choice switch. I held my smile and listed all the things that were silver linings. I recognized in the grand scheme of life none of these things will matter. I know many who have really hard things to face – way bigger than a little car trouble and getting wet in the rain. I have so much for which to be thankful and grateful!

But, can I be really vulnerable here and let you peek into my heart for a minute? I do this thing sometimes when I’m having bad day – and maybe you do it, too?

I assume it’s because of something bad I’ve done (even if I can’t think of what that might be) or that I’m somehow on the receiving end of some sort of punishment from God. I immediately go to a mental checklist to make sure I’m doing all the things that keep me in “good graces.” Have I been reading my Bible? Well, yes, but I didn’t do it before I left the house this morning. Have I been praying? Well, yes, but maybe I’m not praying hard enough or for the right things. Have I been kind of people? Well, pretty much. Well, maybe I was too short with William or Jerry earlier this week. The checklist could go on….

This checklist place is where I try to earn God’s favor – or prove that I’m “good enough” for His favor – or at least an easy life that could outwardly appear to be His favor.

Y’all, and I’m talking especially to myself here, God isn’t like that. He doesn’t sit up on His throne and dole out flat tires if we don’t spend 15 minutes with our Bibles open and our eyes closed. Or have the cashier at HPB give you only half of what you think your books might be worth if you forgot someone from your prayer list. Or make it rain on you if you listened to 80s hair bands on your walk instead of the Christian radio station. He cares about our relationship, our journey, and that we are moving toward Him. He calls us to a “holy life – not because of anything we have done, but because of His own purpose and grace.” (1 Timothy 1:9)

Hear me say, I’m not saying we shouldn’t do these “good” things. We should; we are called to “pursue righteousness” (1 Timothy 2:22) and our actions reflect where we want our heart to be. I’m just saying, when we start viewing them as a checklist that keep us from having bad days, we might skate dangerously close to thinking we are earning God’s love and mercy.

Friends, I have to admit that some days I’m more grateful than others that His mercies are new each morning. When I went to bed on Thursday night, I rested on that promise.

“Because of the Lord’s great love, we are not consumed, and His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.”
Lamentations 3:22-23

So, the next time you have a day like Alexander’s, “a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day,” be reminded: His love and faithfulness is greater.

Blessings and Reminders of His Grace and Mercy – Bethany 🙂