Our Hearts are Simmering

I stand at the stove, tired but mind-racing.  Just a few days after the world has shut down, in an attempt to keep with family traditions, I pour clover shaped, green tinted, pasta into a pot of milk and chicken stock.  The quick, one-pot, easy chicken alfredo meal requires no thought, as my mind has been occupied with pivoting quickly to distance learning at school and finding toilet paper and how we will make the next few weeks months work.  I turn my back for just a MOMENT to grab something from the refrigerator, then race back to the stove.  Milky, cheesy goo boils over and immediately forms a crust across the stovetop.  I holler a stream of irritable phrases and turn my attention to saving the boiled over dinner. 

In the aftermath of this heat, I spend an hour scrubbing the stovetop and wishing I’d paid more attention or used a bigger pot or chosen a different dinner menu.  Boiling over.

Sweeter with the Heat

I stand, tiptoe, at the kitchen stove.  In my hand, a long wooden spoon stirring constantly as I watch mashed strawberries turn a deep hue of ruby-jewel red.  My biggest stock pot simmers, then boils – a solid, rolling boil for one minute.  The transformation is complete.  Strawberries turned even sweeter with the heat (and a hefty amount of sugar).  Strawberry jam.

In the aftermath of this heat, I enjoy and share a sweet, delicious treat. 

Fiddling with the Temperature

I stand, visiting with my mom at the stove.  She lays out bacon to crisp in the oven and cracks eggs to scramble.  Morning light streams through Mom and Dad’s kitchen window.  Coffee steams in my mug.  Pancakes have been requested for breakfast and I happily oblige the spring break request.  Like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, pancakes are a staple food item at our house and have been since my boy was old enough to request such things. 

Mom’s griddle heats differently than mine, though.  I pour the first attempt.  The heat isn’t quite hot enough; the batter just sits and I end up scraping it off, uncooked and ruined.  I turn up the heat.  Wait and pour the second attempt.  Bubbles are immediately visible, as is the smell of burnt pancakes.  I scrape off the burned pancake ruins and turn down the heat.  More waiting.

Finally, I’ve found the temperature we need.  The batter steams just slightly as it hits the pan, bubbles pop along the edges, chocolate chips are sprinkled in and with a flip the golden-brown pancakes are ready to be devoured. 

In the aftermath of this heat, I wonder about different temperatures for different circumstances. 

What’s the “Just Right” Temperature?

It seems I’m more like the pot of milky, cheesy goo these days.  Only a moment too long of extra heat sends me boiling over, spreading my mess everywhere.

Sighs escape my lips more often.

Angry retorts flash through my mind.

But, my heart longs to be more like the pot of strawberry jam – sweeter after the heat. 

I wonder if some of you may find yourself in the same state of mind?  Our hearts sit at simmer already.  The heat turned high for close to a year: quarantines and pandemics and schooling changes and family dynamic changes.  With even a small uptick in temperature we boil over onto those around us. 

Like the morning I stood making pancakes and fiddling with the temperature, I wonder how I can find the just right temperature for our lives now.  To assume it would be the same as it was before would be wrong; just as assuming I can recreate our pre-pandemic lives and our rhythms as before with a perfect fit.  I can acknowledge this year has been hard.  I’m not in the same place physically or mentally or spiritually as I was a year ago.  I’ve grown in some ways and lost ground in others.  This is true for those around me, too. 

Perhaps, none of us have quite found the perfect temperature yet in this season.  But I’ll keep watching my emotions and adjusting the temperature until I do.  And, when life IS boiling, I’ll do my best to consciously remember to turn the heat down after just a minute – and hopefully end with sweetness to share.